50 Funniest English Teacher jokes

English teaching jokes can challenge even advanced ESL students to grasp the finer nuances behind the humor. In general, funny jokes between teachers and students help to build a relationship and can increase student engagement. Here is a compilation of 50 funny English Teacher jokes / Teacher vs Student jokes done with the help of my Bengali friend Shohag D Sarkar, who is also a YouTube vlogger residing in Korea.

Here are some funny English Teacher Jokes:

What does your dad do?

A new student arrives at class so the teacher asks him some questions.

Teacher: What’s your name?

Student: Shohag

Teacher: What does your father do?’

Student: Whatever my mom says.

Tenses joke

Teacher: Let’s review some tenses.

“I am handsome.”

What tense is that?

Student: (Laughs) Obviously the past tense!

Difference between a teacher and a train

Teacher: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

Student: What sir?

Teacher: A train goes “chew chew” and a teacher goes “Spit that gum out!”

Parent phone call

Teacher: (Picks up the telephone) Hello, Eric speaking.

Student: Hello, Shohag can’t come to school today.

Teacher: How are you related to Shohag?

Student: This is my father speaking.

Teacher: Shohag!

Who threw that?

Teacher: Whoever gets my next question right may go home.

Student throws book to the front of the class.

Teacher: Who threw that??

Student: Me! I’m going home now. (and the student leaves class)

I is

Teacher: Start a sentence with “i”.

Student: I is…

Teacher: (Interrupting student) No, no, no! If you start with “I” the following word should be “am”. For example “I am”.

Student: Right, I understand. I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

Book on my head

Student is rubbing his head.

Teacher: Shohag, what’s wrong?

Student: Yesterday a book fell on my head.

Teacher: Well, you only have your shelf to blame.

Follow your dreams!

Teacher: I’ll always encourage you to follow your dreams!

Student: But you never let us sleep in class!

MATHS

Teacher: What is the full form of MATHS?

Student: I know that one!

Mentally

Affected

Teachers

Harassing

Students

Best teacher

Teacher: Who is the best teacher?

Student: (quietly) Not you.

Teacher: Time is the best teacher.

Student: Unfortunately time also kills all its students.

Longest English word

Teacher: What is the longest word in the English language?

Student: Smiles

Teacher: Why?

Student: Because there is a “mile” before the first and the last letter.

Krokodail

Teacher: How do you spell crocodile?

Student: KROKODAIL

Teacher: No, that is wrong!

Student: It might be wrong but you asked me how “I” spell it!

Definition of a lecturer

Teacher: What is the definition of a lecturer?

Student: Someone with the bad habit of talking while other people are sleeping!

Sleeping at school

Teacher: Shohag! Why are you sleeping? You should sleep for 8 hours every day.

Student: Sir, that’s impossible?

Teacher: Why? How is it impossible?

Student: Because school is only 6 hours a day!

Same dog

Teacher: Where is your essay about your dog?

Student: Here you go. (Hands teacher his paper.)

Teacher: This is exactly like your brother’s essay!

Student: Sir, it’s because we have the same dog. 😉

Abraham Lincoln

Teacher: What happened in 1809?

Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1819?

Student: Abraham Lincoln was 10 years old

Dummies stand up

Teacher: This class is so bad! All dumb people stand up!

A student stands up.

Teacher: Shohag, are you dumb?

Student: No sir, but I felt bad seeing you stand alone.

How old is your dad?

Teacher: How old is your dad?

Student: He is as old as me.

Teacher: How is that possible?

Student: He only became a dad when I was born.

Bad at counting

Teacher: I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to copy the sentence 10 times!

But you only wrote it down 4 times. Why?

Student: Sir, looks like my counting is also bad.

100% on a test

Teacher: Well done Shohag! You got 100% on your test.

Student: Thank you sir! I hope you will print the question papers at my uncle’s printing shop again!

$2 + $1 = $2

Teacher: If I gave you $2 and your mom gave you $1, how many dollars would you have?

Student: I think $2.

Teacher: Why?

Student: Because my mom won’t give me any money.

Paper airplane

Teacher: Where is your homework?

Student: I made the paper into a paper plane, then somebody highjacked it!

Innocent student

Student: Teacher, you wouldn’t punish me for something I didn’t do, right?

Teacher: Of course not.

Student: Good! Because I didn’t do my homework.

H to O

Teacher: Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?

Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.

Teacher: Why??

Student: Yesterday you said that the chemical formula is H to O!

Chemistry joke about Sodium

Teacher: Does anyone know a good joke about Sodium?

Student: Na.

Chemistry joke about Argon

Teacher: Why do people make such bad chemistry jokes?

Student: Because all the good ones Argon.

I don’t deserve 0%

Student: Teacher, I don’t think I deserve 0% on this test.

Teacher: I agree, but that is the lowest grade I can give you.

Me neither

Teacher: Shohag, did you copy Danika’s exam paper?

Student: How did you find out?

Teacher: Because when she said “I don’t know”. You said “me neither”.

Seven rabbits

Teacher: If I gave you 2 rabbits, and 2 rabbits, and 2 more rabbits. How many rabbits do you have?

Student: Seven rabbits!

Teacher: How is that possible?

Student: I already have another rabbit at home.

My dog ate my homework

Teacher: Where’s your homework?

Student: I ate it.

Teacher: Why did you eat your homework?

Student: Because I don’t have a dog.

Who discovered Africa?

Teacher: Shohag, show me where Africa is on the map.

*Student points to Africa on the map*

Teacher: And who discovered Africa?

Student: I did!

Settle down first

Teacher: It is clear that you didn’t study for your Geography test. Why?

Student: My dad says that the world is changing every day.

So I’m waiting for it to settle down first!

Wake him up

Teacher: Shohag, please wake up your friend next to you.

Student: Sir, you put him to sleep so YOU can wake him up.

Any questions?

Teacher: Does anyone have a question?

Student: Is Bubbles a good name for a hamster?

Teacher: Your topic is Mexico. So please keep your questions to the topic!

Student: Is Bubbles a good name for a hamster in Mexico?

New teacher please!

Student: Sir! I think we need a new teacher.

Teacher: Why??

Student: Because you always ask us for the answers.

All by myself

Teacher: Did your parents help you with your homework?

Student: No sir. I got them wrong all by myself.

Where was it signed?

Teacher: Here is a history question. Where was The Declaration of Independence signed?

Student raises his hand: At the bottom!

Concentrate

Teacher: Why can’t you work in an orange juice factory?

Student: Why sir, I don’t know?

Teacher: Because you can’t concentrate.

Long joke

Teacher: 503 Bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Student: 502

Teacher: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?

Student: You can’t put an elephant into a fridge.

Teacher: Yes you can. Just open the door, put the elephant in and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in fridge?

Student: Open the door, put the giraffe in and then close the door.

Teacher: No, open the door. Take the elephant out, put the giraffe in and close the door.

The zoo is having a party, but one animal is missing. Which animal is missing?

Student: Maybe the lion?

Teacher: No! The giraffe! He is still stuck in the fridge.

Sally has to cross a river where the alligators live. But she made it safely across the river.

How did she do it?

Student: Perhaps she jumped on the alligators to get across?

Teacher: No! All the alligators are still at the party.

But Sally died anyway. Why?

Student: She drowned?

Teacher: No! She got hit on the head by a flying brick!

Take a seat

Teacher: Everyone, take a seat.

Student: Where would you like me to take it?

Millionaire

Teacher: Class, I want you to write an essay on what you would do if you had a million dollars.

Student doesn’t do anything.

Teacher: Shohag! You haven’t done anything and time is almost up. Why?

Student: Because that is exactly what I would do if I had a million dollars.

Where does it hurt?

Student: Teacher, I’m not feeling well today?

Teacher: Where don’t you feel well?

Student: I don’t feel well at school.

Chicken Cow Pig

Teacher: What do you get from a chicken?

Student: Eggs.

Teacher: What do you get from a cow?

Student: Milk

Teacher: And what do you get from a pig?

Student: Homework.

Jonah and the whale

Teacher: It’s physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human.

Student: In the bible, Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Teacher: It’s impossible, it didn’t happen.

Student: When I go to heaven, I will ask Jonah.

Teacher: And what if he went to hell?

Student: Then you can ask him!

The silent H

Teacher: In some words we ignore the pronunciation of certain letters.

For example, in honor and hour we don’t say the “h”. We call those, silent letters.

Shohag, can you go to the cafeteria and heat up my lunch?

The student goes to the cafeteria. When he returns, the teachers lunch is all gone.

Teacher: Why did you eat my lunch?

Student: I thought the “h” was silent.

Pronouns

Teacher: Shohag, wake up! Give me 2 pronouns.

Student: Who? Me?

Coming to school

Teacher: How do you feel about coming to school?

Student: The coming part is fine, the going part is also good, it’s the part in between that I don’t like.

Defense defeat detail

Teacher: Make a sentence with the words “defense, detail and defeat”.

Student: When a horse jumps over the fence, the feet go before the tail.

Same pen

Teacher: Shohag, this note from your father looks like your handwriting.

Student: Well, yes. He borrowed my pen.

I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Check out the other Teacher jokes too!

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